colonel panic /ˈkɜːrnəl ˈpænɪk/ n 1 : a critical system state in which the kernel has given up and the operator has, too 2 : a presales solution consultant who reboots problems into solutions 3 : an open source enthusiast, serial self-hoster, and reluctant gardener 4 : the feeling when your homelab goes down during a dinner party 5 : see also: kernel panic, but with more authority